We all remember the campaign of 2008. Even the Democrats couldn't fuck this up. George W. Bush was ready to officially start his vacation which he began 7 years earlier. The economy was in the dumps. Two occupations, err undeclared wars, had taken their toll in blood and national debt, and yielded no relative results. And the party in control for 6 of the previous 7 years and turned a budget surplus in record debt could only say, "Oh yeah, well they will only make it worse".
I don't know why we keep asking the obvious questions, but I suppose we want eventually want them all to just fess up and tell the truth (Insert the last 5 years of Mark McGwire's life here). I always like to tell people that first and foremost, I believe that most politicians, especially those in Washington, have long since lost their once altruistic goals of making the country a better place and have sold their souls to the Lobbyists for a lifetime of salary and free health care. That I can accept. Kinda like swallowing liver and okra. I will hate it, but I can stomach it. What really gets me is the hypocrisy. The ducking and dodging of basic questions. The ability to hold up an apple, shiny and red, and attempt to tell you that it's a banana. To look people in the eye and tell them one thing, do another, and then look back at the video evidence of their previous statements, and then not skip a beat and turn into Obi Won Kenobi and convince you "These aren't the droids you're looking for".
Well I'm no dumb ass Stormtrooper, and bitch, that's an apple! Look, John McCain once stood for something. He was a POW. Spent years in a bamboo cage and endured things I don't want to imagine. Sure he was a Republican, but that was when they would tolerate a difference of opinion. You could be Pro-Choice and still be in the GOP. You could believe the earth was round and that evolution wasn't akin to heresy. But, like all those who drink the Congressional Kool Aid, he too was broken. Not by Vietnamese captors, but the allure of being POTUS.
But how was he going to win. When things are in the shitter, and your party put it there, the only answer is push that lever and flush. You had a young, handsome, African American man with a made for TV life story. He was part Kenyan, part Kansan, All-American. He spoke and didn't giggle, and didn't hunch over and look like the father of Dr. Evil. He was married to a beautiful African American woman who was also educated, and had two kids, AFTER being Married. I mean damn. John McCain must have felt like ABC and CBS did during the mid 80s on Thursday nights at 8pm.
So here you are, sitting with your handlers watching this man give a speech to 80,000 people in person and millions across the world. He's talking about uniting the country, bringing change to a place that needed it more than Stewie on Family Guy. He's Tiger Woods (prior to Thanksgiving 09) and you are Bushwood CC. What do you do? I'm sure this isn't' EXACTLY how it went down, but I'm willing to bet that in a civil court of law, I'd be free and clear.
"Damn, we need to make a splash" "Big Splash"
"Senator McCain, we need to stop this momentum now. Can you deliver a speech like that?"
"Uhhhhh hee hee, I can, but the arm movements will be a little tough"
"Damn it... well we still haven't announced our VP. Can Joe Lieberman deliver the goods?"
"Joe couldn't deliver a primary win in his own party"
"Sheeeeeeeeeit! WTF are we gonna do?!? Well, we've gotta get some non-white male votes"
"Old White males"
"Think we can get some of "The Bitches" disgruntled supporters?"
"Oh yeah, we forgot about women! Brilliant! Brilliant (pop two Guinness's)"
"Who? Where?" "Oh there's that hot Gov. AK Palin"
"Oh yeah, The WILF from Wassilla"
"What's her deal? well I see here 36-32..... No No No damnit.... Her Bio!"
"Oh, well let's see. Ahhh she's was once Mayor of Mayberry, er uh Wasilla AK. Former 2nd runner up Miss Alaska (lost to Rocky J Squirrel). Current Governor Alaska. Mother of 4, did I mention she's not bad on the eyes? Good, Because I think Cindy McCain just fell over again"
"What about knowledge, background, is she up to speed on our Domestic Agenda?"
"She can see Russia from her house?!?"
"Good enough"
"Brilliant, BRILLIANT!!!"
....... So Senator McCain, do you believe you properly vetted Sarah Palin?
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